WE ARE...
Enter YourJokes
There are lots of sexist jokes to chose from at YourJokes.
Come inside and check them out.
Most of our jokes are for adults only!!
Really very extremely Non-PC - you have been warned!!
A guy is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks "Are my testicles black?"
"I’m sorry but I’m not medical staff, I can’t help you with that" she replies.
"Oh, please have a look for me, I’m really worried; Are my testicles black?"
Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff around, says "Alright, I’ll have a look for you". She pulls back the bedcover, lifts his dick out of the way and, cupping his balls in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, "No, they look fine to me".
The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and says "I said, Are my test results back?"
Mario and Marie, a nice young couple, were getting married and planned on living with
Marie’s mother until they could establish a place of their own. On their wedding night,
they went upstairs and were getting ready for bed.
Mario started to get undressed, taking off his shirt first, and he had hair all over his chest.
Marie ran downstairs and told her mother.
"Mummy!! Mummy!! He?s got hair all over his chest !"
Her mother replied, "Marie, you go upstairs and make your mother proud."
So Marie ran upstairs and found Mario taking off his trousers.
He was extremely hairy all over his legs. Marie ran down the steps to tell her mother.
"Mummy, he?s got hair all over his legs."
"Marie, you go upstairs and make your mother proud."
Marie ran upstairs and found her new husband sitting on the bed taking off his socks.
Unfortunately, he had lost half of his foot in the war.
Marie took one look, and ran downstairs.
"Mummy, Mummy, he?s only got a foot and a half !"
At this, mother yelled, "Marie, you wait here. I’m gonna go upstairs !"
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.
A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"
"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically,
if a bit too literally.
About this time the cop looks down to see that
the man’s prick is hanging out for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir, are you Aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans
"OHHH GOD. . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when--all of a sudden--a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."
Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
"And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess."
She turns into a beautiful young woman.
"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother.
Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
"Ooh--can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.
There before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine.
She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:
"Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered."
An English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.
She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up,
except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart-arse at the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion ?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When order is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head,
and sweetly says,
"In your case, you’ll just have to show up anyway -- you can write with your other hand."
Peter decided to go skiing with his best mate, Bob. They loaded up Peter’s 4x4 and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I’m recently widowed," she explained, "and I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we’ll be happy to sleep in the barn."
Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow’s solicitor. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob’s face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I’m afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
What does a dwarf get when he runs through a woman’s legs?
A clit round the ear and a flap across the face!
A friend of mine had to go to London during the fuel crisis, but the traffic came to a dead halt just by Hammersmith.
She thought to herself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing’s even moving."
She noticed a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so she rolls down her window and asks, "Constable, what’s the hold up?"
Plod replies: "The Prime Minister is just so depressed about Mo Mowlam’s resignation, the fuel blockades, his kids getting into trouble here and abroad, and his general dive in the popularity stakes, that he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the road and he’s threatening to douse himself in the last bit of petrol in the Prime-Ministerial Rolls and set himself on fire. He says his cabinet hates him, Gordon Brown’s not even talking to him, he doesn’t have the money to pay for Cherie’s next shopping trip for Baby Leo, and the Royal Flight has refused to provide the transport for his Christmas holiday. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him."
"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"
"So far only about three hundred gallons but a lot of folks are still siphoning."
© YourJokes 2001 - 2010