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There are lots of offensive jokes to chose from at YourJokes.
Come inside and check them out.
Most of our jokes are for adults only!!
Really very extremely Non-PC - you have been warned!!
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor flat when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank Of Ireland it was found that
Paddy O’Toole was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin
When Paddy was asked why he had such a long password : he replied
"Bejazus! are yez feckin’ stupid? Shore Oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long and include one capital"
A fella out at the pub meets this beautiful girl. They chat for hours & he finds he has more in common with her than he has with any other girl.
They eventually went back to his place where they spent a few hours having the most mind-blowing sex he’d ever experienced. He kissed & licked her from head to toe, and even obliged when she asked him to stick his tongue up her ass, something he never thought he’d do or enjoy.
Eventually, exhausted, he drifted off to sleep, convinced that she was the girl of his dreams.
In the morning, he awoke to find her playing with his cock.
"You really can’t get enough of my cock," he quipped with a cheeky grin on his face & the blood rushing to his groin.
Still stroking his rapidly growing member, she said, "Oh, I was just remembering back to what it was like when I had one."
A guy in a pink shirt minces into a gay bar and looks around weighing up the talent.
He spots a well built scouser having a quiet drink at the bar, sidles up to him, nudges him gently and whispers "Can I take you into the gents and give a blow job ?"
The scouser spins round, punches him in the nose, kicks him in the bollucks, picks him up and throws him through the bar window.
"Bloody hell scouse" says the barman, "What was all that about?"
"I dunno - he said something about a job!"
A woman was cleaning her husbands dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with £2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer.
The husband said "I’m sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer."
The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the £2000 in the drawer?"
The husband replied "Well every time I got a dozen balls I sold them."
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.
A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"
"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically,
if a bit too literally.
About this time the cop looks down to see that
the man’s prick is hanging out for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir, are you Aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans
"OHHH GOD. . . they got my girlfriend too!!!"
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it’s going to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn’t the spider that crept beside her,
But Little Boy Blue with a horn.
Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it’s ass
and turned it’s wool into nylon
Mary had a little lamb
It’s fleece was full of fleas
But even worse the little sod
Had foot and mouth disease
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack.
They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn’t making enough money to
warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good
workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them
work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache
and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler
to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler,
taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I’m going to have to lay you or Jack off."
Sarah says, "You’ll have to jack off - I have a headache !"
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