Dirty jokes - tasteless sick sexist gross adult humour

The Jokes...

Jokes are presented in random order - use this Joke link to get the first one. Each time you vote another joke is served.

Search for a special joke

WE ARE ...

Dirty Jokes - We ARE the dogs bollocks

Time wasters...

Try our improved Joke Creator

Read of the exploits of Threaded

Have a play with Goo

New Search for your ideal job

Don't forget to vote on the jokes - We dump the crap

Use the Donate link to submit replacements.

A cutdown YourJokes now available from your java mobile phone browser here

Warning

It has been brought to our attention that some jokes on this site are mildly offensive. Time permitting we will review them all and remove those which we deem to be insufficiently offensive. In the meantime we hope that the large quantity of utter filth will offer some recompense.

Cookies are used to avoid boring you with the same joke on your next visit.
If you like a joke don't forget to share it with a friend - we do not pass any information to third parties

Popular Joke Searches

  • one liners
  • top10
  • pussy
  • adult
  • sex jokes
  • Muslim
  • dirty
  • cunt
  • michael jackson
  • paki
  • fucking
  • fuck
  • vagina
  • dirty jokes
  • sick
  • blow job
  • crude
  • cock
  • wank
  • rude
  • black
  • sexist
  • bot10
  • pictures
  • clit
  • anal
  • fanny
  • tourettes
  • boobs
  • JEWISH
  • lesbian
  • image
  • twat
  • women
  • Garry Glitter
  • bird flu
  • woman
  • dick
  • GAYS
  • balls
  • Army
  • santa
  • nuns
  • Q and A
  • disabled
  • best
  • wedding
  • steve irwin
  • irwin
  • retirement


  • This site now recommended by WebWasher...

    Forbidden

    You were denied access because:
    Access denied by WebWasher DynaBLocator content category. The requested URL belongs to the following category:
    Erotic and Sex.


    Dirty jokes - tasteless sick sexist gross adult humour


    Joke links
    dirty jokes sick jokes adult jokes irish jokes tasteless jokes
    gross jokes sexist jokes disgusting jokes funny jokes offensive jokes
    crude jokes filthy jokes rude jokes picture jokes Entire collection

    Some of our favourite jokes



    The truth about Snow White and the seven dwarfs

    Snow White was desperate for a fuck
    She went to the woods to try her luck.

    She'd almost given up looking,
    When she saw some chimney smoke,
    Then she stumbled on the cottage,
    and went in for a poke.

    Her clothes came off in seconds.
    And she'd just removed her pants,
    When seven dwarfs came marching in,
    with a merry song and dance.

    Snow White just stood there speechless,
    and thought she was in heaven,
    originally after one good shag,
    But now she could have seven.

    Straight away she took command,
    "My fanny needs a lick!"
    And when one dwarf moved forward,
    She said "Oi-you'd better drop your pick"

    So down he went onto all fours,
    and said "I ain't licking that",
    "Not there, that is my arse-hole,
    You DOPEY little brat!"

    The next dwarf started blushing,
    "Do we have to do it here?"
    Snow White said "Don't be BASHFUL,
    Unless you're a fucking queer"

    So reluctantly he whipped it out,
    To prove he was no fool.
    And Snow White gave a big "Heigh-Ho".
    As she rode upon his tool.

    Now one dwarf wasn't smiling.
    Cos he hadn't had a sniff,
    and due to his impatience,
    He couldn't raise a stiff.

    "Relax, you GRUMPY bastard",
    So he did as he was told,
    And as soon as he was hard enough,
    He shot his fucking load.

    The next dwarf got a blow-job,
    And she took him deep quite easy,
    But she just avoided brain-damage,
    When he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

    With three dwarfs left she turned and said,
    "You're next, I want your knob!"
    But no sooner than he had entered her,
    And he was sleeping on the job.

    "Wake up you SLEEPY bastard"
    She wanted more from him.
    And he woke with such excitement,
    that he filled her hairy quim.

    The next dwarf rammed his up her,
    and shagged her fanny raw,
    a dazed Snow White them whimpered.
    "That should be against the law."

    He made poor Snow White tremble,
    He was so big and thick.
    "No wonder you're so HAPPY,
    With that fucking great big prick"

    With one dwarf still remaining,
    But feeling rather sore,
    She said "You'll have to use your tongue,
    My twat can't take no more!"

    And so he put his tongue to work,
    Where others had placed their cocks,
    And 'cos he made Snow White feel better,
    She named the last dwarf DOC.

    Now Snow White couldn't do much,
    With all that cum inside her quim,
    So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
    And filled it to the brim.

    So there's the truth about the dwarfs,
    and how they got their names,
    by satisfying Miss Snow White,
    and joining in her games.

    There's one more thing you need to know,
    And that's - What happened to that cup,
    Well think of what you're drinking,
    when you next buy 7-Up




    Pianist

    A man walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waves the waiter over. "I want to see the cocksucking motherfucking boss now!". Naturally the waiter is a bit taken aback and says:"Would you please refrain from from using that kind of language in here sir. I'll get the manager as soon as I can."

    When the manager comes over the bloke greets him with:" Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastarding joint?"
    "Yes sir I am but I would prefer it if you did not use that kind of language in this restaurant. There are respectable guests dining here."
    The bloke retorts:"Screw you anus features. Where's the fucking piano?"
    The manager is a bit puzzled and the asks the man to explain himself.
    "You stupid smelly dickhead are you fucking deaf or what? Where's the twatting piano?"
    "Ah", says the manager, "you've come about the pianist job we advertised in the paper."
    "Too fucking right", came the reply.
    The manager takes him over to the piano but begs him not to speak into the microphone. "Can you play any blues?"
    The bloke starts to play the most beautiful blues ever heard. "That's superb", gasps the manager. "What's it called?"
    "I want to shag your missus on the sofa but the springs keep hurting my knob-end"
    The manager is a little perturbed. "Hmmm....well do you know any jazz?"
    The man plays the most melancholy piece of jazz the manager has ever heard.
    "What's it called?"
    "I wanked over the washing machine but my bollocks got caught in the powder drawer".
    The manager is now a tad embarrassed. "Well do you know any romantic ballads?"
    The bloke plays the most heart wrenching melody ever. "That was fantastic", crooned the manager. "What's that one called?", immediately wishing that he hadn't asked.
    "Shagging sheep under the stars with the moonlight shining on my hairy ring piece".

    The manager finds the pianist's language totally repulsive but he is so moved by his music that he hires him on condition that he never introduces his songs. He agrees, and the arrangement goes swimmingly for a couple of weeks. Until one night when the pianist sneaks off for a wank. He nips off to the staff toilets, grits his teeth and starts buffing his banana. Just as he is coming he hears the manager shouting "Where the fuck is that pianist". So he whips up his trousers and returns to the piano and starts to play some more tunes.

    After a couple of minutes a woman approaches him and whispers: "Do you know your bollocks and knob are hanging out of your trousers dribbling come all over your shoes?"

    "Know it", replied the pianist, "I fucking wrote it!!"




    The perfect couple

    Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

    One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

    There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

    Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

    Question: Who was the survivor?

    (Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)





























    Answer:

    The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

    **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.
    **** Men keep scrolling.





































    So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.



    By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen




    Lil sis

    My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

    There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."

    I was stunned- frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. She pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

    With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."



    And the moral of this story is:
    Always keep your condoms in the car!



    © Copyright Nene Valley Computer Services Ltd. 2001 - 2008