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There are lots of funny adult jokes to chose from at YourJokes.
Come inside and check them out.
Most of our jokes are for adults only!!
Really very extremely Non-PC - you have been warned!!
A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him.
"Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?"
"Hello," giggles the woman, "I’m Stacey. What’s yours?"
"I’m Jim."
"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"
"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let’s go!"
So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey’s desk.
"Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says.
"Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.
"Is it your brother?"
"No, it isn’t, Jim!" Stacey giggles. Jim’s eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey’s husband.
When he finally asks, "Is it your husband?"
Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" Jim was relieved.
"Then, it must be your boyfriend!"
Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim’s ear. She says, "No, silly!!"
"Then, who is it?" Jim asks.
Stacey replies, "That’s me BEFORE my operation!!"
Young couple in the cinema. The girl says, "I must have a piss, can I sqeeze past you?"
"Why dont you squat down on the floor and do it" says the boyfriend. "You’ll have to disturb all these people, besides its dark, no one will see you."
"OK" she says. She pulls her drawers down and squats on the floor.
The bloke starts feeling horny at the thought of her down there, so he reaches down and has a grope.
He feels something long and warm and says, "Ugh! Have you changed your sex ?"
"No" she says "I’ve changed my mind....I’m having a shit instead."
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping
carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment,they both manage to get to sleep,
the woman on the top bunk,the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says,
"I’m sorry to bother you, but I’m awfully cold and I was wondering if you
could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says,
"I’ve got a better idea....let’s pretend we’re married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Right", he replies. "Get your own fucking blanket.
The old man placed order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half,
placing one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down
between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people
around them were looking over and whispering.
Obviously they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can
afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely
offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were
just fine - they were used to sharing everything.
People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite.
She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping
the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal
for them. This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to
sharing everything."
Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the
napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to
eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?"
She answered
"THE TEETH."
Three nuns are walking down the street, when a man jumps out and flashes them.
The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, the third one didn’t touch him.
Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles.
First, one says to the other, "I’ve never come this way before."
Other nun says, "Neither have I. It’s probably the cobbles."
Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to put in it?
Wife:You wear briefs, don’t you?
A man walks into a bar and says to the barman "Line me up ten whiskies"
So the barman lines them up and the man gulps them down one after another.
"Jeez" says the barman "What are you celebrating then?".
"My first blow job" replies the man.
"Oh well" says the barman "for that I’ll buy you one myself."
"No thanks" says the man "If ten doesn’t get rid of the taste, another one wont help."
Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this thing outta me! Give me the drugs!"
She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fucker!"
He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, ’fuck off it’ll be too painful.’"
A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He’s
crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he
sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.
He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief
case. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an
Inland Revenue ID badge and dull grey suit. There’s a calculator in his pocket. He has a
pencil tucked behind one ear.
"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes..."
"I’m not falling for this." says the man. "I’m not going to trust a person from the Inland
Revenue"
"What do you have to lose? You’ve got no transportation, and it looks like you’re a
gonner anyway!"
The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.
"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."
The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with
jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
"OK, kid, what’s your second wish."
"My second wish is to be rich beyond my wildest dreams."
The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and
precious gems.
"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"
After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I go beautiful
women will want and need me."
He is turned into a tampon.
The moral of the story?
If the Inland Revenue offers you anything, there’s going to be a string attached.
© YourJokes 2001 - 2012