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There are lots of really dirty jokes to chose from at YourJokes.
Come inside and check them out.
Most of our jokes are for adults only!!
Really very extremely Non-PC - you have been warned!!
Q. What’s the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf Ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it’s worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It’s not hard.
Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
Q. What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: 5 inches is medium, 8 inches is rare.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
A girl goes into the doctor’s for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a
red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my
boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt,
even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he
notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.
"Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale
sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.
A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he
notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man’s penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman’s heart beats faster than a man’s.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person’s skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All
of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice
the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in
all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Please Lord build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime
I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the
enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports
required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel
it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your
desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of
another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord,
I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they
feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent
treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing’,
and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord said, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl".
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can’t tell you, Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
"Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Volpe?"
"I’ll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I’m sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You’re very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.
But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend, Nino, slides over and whispers, "What’d you get?"
"4 months vacation and five good leads."
Q. When is a Fairy not a Fairy?
A. When she has her mouth round a Pixie’s dick then she’s a Goblin!!!
Mary had a little snatch,a teeny tiny hole.
Johnny couldn’t fit it in, his massive manly pole.
He greased her up, squirmed and shoved, and pinched her little tit,
But nothing seemed to work for him, the damn thing would not fit!
So Mary drank a lot of wine, and smoked a little grass,
And just as she was passing out, he shoved it up her ass!
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized?"
Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug...... Do you want a bed near the window?"
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