Dirty jokes - really dirty humour from YourJokes

Most of our jokes are for adults only!!
Really very extremely Non-PC - you have been warned!!

How old am I ?

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 47th birthday. She spends ?15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home she stops to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she asks the newsvendor, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am ?"
"About 32," he replies.
"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47 !"

Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question.

He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands in your bra. Then, I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead".

The old man slips both hands in her bra and begins to feel her tits.Several minutes she says, "Okay, how old am I?"
He removes his hands slowly and says, "You are 47."
Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing. How did you know ?"
The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."

Memory Lane

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane and as such have gone for a holiday back to the place where they first met.

While sitting at a cafe the little old man says, "Remember the first time I met you over fifty years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas works and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes I remember it well dear." replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, lets go there again and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and follows the pensioners. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips and the little old lady then reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is forty minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don't move for a hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this, not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in fifty years time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Plucking up courage the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that, particularly at your age. What's your secret, could you shag like that fifty years ago?"

The pensioner replies,

"Son, fifty years ago that f@*king fence wasn't electrified."

Deaf and Dumber

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf and Dumb Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience. The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest, and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

"Well" he explained "By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies, and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started: 'Ladies and Gentlemen' ".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard!' and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.

"Well" he explained "By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen' ".

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself " I'll go one further than those mainland bastards!' and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.

"Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."

The Saviour

One day little Susie went into her back yard and found her dog, Muffles, lying dead with its legs up in the air.

She asked, "Daddy, Daddy, why is Muffles legs in the air?" Thinking quickly, her dad replied, "This way Jesus can come down and take Muffles to heaven easier."

The next day when Susie's dad came home she ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today."

Flustered, her father said, "Honey what happened?" And Susie said, "Well, Mommy's legs were up in the air and she was screaming 'Oh Jesus, I'm coming I'm coming' and if it wasn't for the milkman holding her down she would have been a gonner."

Joys of marriage

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment,they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk,the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea....let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.

"Right", he replies. "Get your own fucking blanket.

Taking advantage

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get me my slippers for me ?"
The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters. He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to fuck you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them ?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them."

Firming up

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her arse and said, "You know if you firmed this up you could get rid of your girdle."

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the tit and said,"You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

She rolled over and grabbed him by the dick and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the window cleaner, and your brother."

Looking Good

Tony Blair wakes up one morning, showers and puts on his best suit ready for another hard days bullshitting. Catching sight of himself in the mirror he thinks "By god, Tony, you're looking good this morning." He admires the fine cut of his suit and the sparkle of his smile, and takes a deep breath. "Feeling good too" he notes.

Sitting at breakfast Cherie says "You're looking really good this morning Tony"
"I feel good too." responds Tony.
"But you're not smelling too good dear." comments Cherie

Tony takes a sniff. "Hmmm. You're right there." he says worriedly "I am smelling a bit rough." He finishes his breakfast, downs his coffee and heads for his private office.

"Good morning." he grins at his secretary.
"Yes its a beautiful morning" she replies "and you're looking really good."
"Why thank you I feel good too." replies Tony flexing his arms.
"Oh Tony!" cries his secretary "You may look good and feel good but you smell awful!"

Worried, Tony visits his doctor. "Doc I have a problem." he says "I look good and feel good but I smell awful!"
The doctor consults his medical textbook scanning quickly through... "Look good ... yeah ... feel good ... yeah ... smell awful ..."

"Ah .. that's it Tony I have the answer ... You're a CUNT"

Overweight Daddy

A six-year-old walks into the kitchen where his mom is preparing a meal and says, "Mom, the last few nights I have woken up to this thumping noise coming out of your bedroom and when I looked to see what it is, you're sitting on top of dad and bouncing up and down. Why are you doing that?"

The startled mother recovers quickly and she says, "Your dad is a little overweight and I'm trying to get him back to normal size. I bounce on him to get all the air out of him."

The little kid just shakes his head and says, "Mom, you're wasting your time because, once a week, that nice-looking lady next door comes over & blows daddy right back up!"

The Magician

David Copperfield has just finished his magic show. He decides to ask the audience if they have any tricks they would like to share.

Nobody puts their hand up except one man. David beckons him on to the stage and tells him to perform his trick.The man says "For this trick David I will require the assistance of the lovely Claudia Schiffer who I see is here tonight and I will also need a table."

He walks Claudia Schiffer over to the table and bends her over it. He then proceeds to lift up her skirt, pull down her knickers and takes her from behind.

David Copperfield is horrified and says "That's not a trick!!", to which the man replies, "Maybe not for you but for me it's fucking magic."

A toast ...

A good Irish man, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening they were hitting the Guinness and having a contest as to who could make the best toast.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife".
That won him the top prize for the toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night".
She said, "Aye, what was your toast ?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife".
"Oh me that is very nice indeed John", Mary said.

The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night with a toast about you Mary".
She said, "Aye, and I was a bit surprised meself ! You know, he's only been there twice ! Once he fell asleep and the other time, I had to pull him by the ears to make him come !"

Potential

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "What is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked,"Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?"
The mother replied,"Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his sister and asked,"Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied,"Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad who asked him,"Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?"

The boy replied,"No, sir." and tells his father the replies he got.

"Well son" the father replied " Surely it's obvious - potentially, we're sitting on two million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts."

Learning the hard way

A professor is giving the first year medical students their first lecture on autopsies, and decides to give them a few basics before starting.

"You must be capable of two things to do an autopsy. The first thing is that you must have no sense of fear."
At this point, the lecturer sticks his finger into the corpse's arse, and then licks it. He asks all the students to do the same thing with the corpses in front of them. After a couple of minutes of stunned silence, they follow suit.

"The second thing is that you must have an acute sense of observation: I stuck my middle finger into the corpse's anus, but I licked my index."

The Royal Highland Show

A man takes his wife to the live stock show. They start heading down the alley that house all the bulls. The sign on the first bull's stall states: This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, isn't that nice!"

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You could learn from this one!"

They precede to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year.

That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The fed up man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if he had to f*ck the same cow every day."

Valentine's Day message

Quick acting

A woman went to the doctor and asked his help to revive her man's sex drive.
"What about trying Viagara?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance" she said, "he won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem" replied the doctor, "drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how things went."

A week later she returned to the doctor and the doctor inquired as to how things went.
"Oh it was horrible, just terrible, doctor."
"What happened?" asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, ripped my knickers off and slipped me a length over the table. It was terrible."
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "Was the sex not good?"
"Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in MacDonalds again."

Shipwrecked

A Welshman, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island.

After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Welshman. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Welshman took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Welshman had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the Welshman started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear... .
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Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?

Heaven & Hell

Freddie Mercury, Versace and Princess Di arrive at the Pearly gates.St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.

Freddie says "I know I haven't led a perfect life and I've made some mistakes along the way, but I've made some of the most beautiful music in the world. I'll stand at the back of heaven, and serenade everybody with my wondrous songs, making heaven a far happier place to be"

"Pretty good, Fred" said St Peter, "what about you Gianni?"

Versace says, "I make the most beautiful clothes in the world. I'll completely redesign the fashions up here, from the archangels to the cherubs to the choirboys. As you well know Pete if you look good you will feel good and that will make heaven a much happier place"

"Not bad" says St Peter. "What about you Di?"

Diana doesn't say a word, instead she lifts up her skirt and pulls down her knickers, inserts a full bottle of Evian water into her arse, lets the water shoot up inside her and then gush out all over the floor.

"Excellent, you're in" says St Peter

"Hold on a fucking minute" says Freddie "She didn't even say anything"

"Bollocks, Fred you know the rules" says St Peter, "A royal flush beats a pair of Queens...."

Prayers

A GIRLS PRAYER

Lord,
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One whose willy's thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
When promises to call, he won't wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin',
In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
And never attempt to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the dickhead you sent me instead.
Amen.A BOYS PRAYER

Lord,
I pray for a girl with nice tits.
Amen.

In the morgue ...

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what's happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.

"Englishman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says the Coroner.

The DI is taken to the second dead man. "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

The DI is taken to the last body. "Ah" says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Irishman 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken," replies the coroner.

The Third Husband

A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I'm still a virgin."

The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."
"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it."
"My second husband was a gynaecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."
"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was...God, I miss him!"

The pickle slicer ...

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his dick into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, "Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my dick into the pickle slicer ?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened ?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer ?"
"Oh...she got fired too."

What stinks ?

A married couple is driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"
Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."
She asks, "What about the smell?"

He says, "Hold its nose."

Oh No! - Yet another fcuking parrot joke ...

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot, "What about this one Madam?" "A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only ?20."

"Why is it so cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant," it use to live in a brothel and as a result it's language is a touch fruity!".

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot."

So she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman, "Fcuk me, a new brothel and a new madam!",

"I'm not a Madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly. A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"A new brothel, a new madam, and now new whores," says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes," complained the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband comes home and the parrot says........

"Well Fcuk me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old clients. How ya doin' Dave ?"

The Irish Student

......This Irish guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands.

Sinead, an Irish student who is currently working behind the bar, takes his order and notices his Irish accent.

Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to sleep with him.

Although she is attracted to him she says no.

He then offers to pay her 100 quid for the deed. Sinead is travelling the world and because she is strapped for cash she agrees.

The next night the same guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for 100 quid. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.

This goes on for five nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.

Sinead is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Cork. "Wow, so am I," she says. "What part of Cork?" "Montenotte," he says.

"Well holy god - that's amazing," she says, "so am I - what street?",

to which he names the street. "This is unbelievable," she says, "what number?"

"Number 20," he says, and she is truly gobsmacked.

"You are not going to believe this," she says, "I'm from number 22 - my parents still live there!"

"I know," he says. "Your da gave me five hundred quid to give you!"

Simple Arithmetic

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that read:

"Dear Wife, I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary."

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

"Dear Husband, I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. You being an accountant will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."

Vegas

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting.

He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.

The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line,
"How much for a ride to the airport," he asked?
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply.
"And how much for you to give me head on the way?"
"What?! Get the hell out of my cab."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked
"How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks."
The businessman said "ok" and off they went.

Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other cabbies.

Golf and Sex

One weekend four married guys went golfing. During the 4th hole, the following conversation took place.

First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'Golf course or Intercourse?' She said, 'Don't forget your sweater.'

Yet another parrot

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he's lonesome, so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened into specialised in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised, he mutters, "I wonder how he hangs onto the perch?"

The parrot says, "With my penis, you dummy."
The guy is startled and says, "You certainly talk well for a parrot."
The parrot says "Of course, I'm a very well educated parrot. I can discuss politics, sports, religion, most any subject you wish."
The guy says "Gee, you sound like just what I was looking for."
The parrot says "There's not much of a market for maimed parrots. If you offer the proprietor $20 for me, I'll bet he'll sell me."

The guy buys the parrot and for three months things go great. When he comes home from work the parrot tells him Bush said this, the A's won, the Giants lost, the Pope did so and so.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot waves a wing at him and says, "Come in and shut the door."
The guy says, "What's up?"
The parrot says, "I don't know how to tell you this, but the mailman came today. Your wife answered the door in her negligee and he kissed her right on the lips."
The guy says, "Oh, a momentary flight of passion."
The parrot says, "Well, maybe, but then he fondled her breasts."
The guy says, "He did??"
The parrot says, "Yes. Then he pulled her negligee down and started sucking on her breasts."
The guy says, "My God, what happened next?!?"

The parrot says, "I don't know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"

Husband Super Store

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor. If you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said,