WE ARE...
Enter YourJokes
There are lots of adult jokes to chose from at YourJokes.
Come inside and check them out.
Most of our jokes are for adults only!!
Really very extremely Non-PC - you have been warned!!
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous
"one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks,
usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "
Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995 (in Tampa Bay FL) while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbour’s bedroom windows.
His neighbours were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex!
You want oral sex?! You’ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
Why do hunters make the best lovers?
Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.
What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. (Claire Swire, where are you?)
Why is the space between a women’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
"Cos it doesn’t need cleaning yet.
A family had the grandmother living with them. They loved having her around, but got to the stage
where they felt they couldn’t look after her as well as she deserved.
After much soul searching, they looked for and found a wonderful nursing home. They took the
grandmother along, and left her for a day to see how she liked it.
She chatted to the existing residents, the staff, etc. It seemed good. She was delighted to be sat on the
patio looking at the wonderful gardens, talking to residents & staff,
playing bridge and being treated to tea, biscuits, snacks, etc.
Whilst sitting there, she slowly started to lean to the left. The staff immediately came along,
straightened her up, and asked if she was OK. She insisted she was.
Ten minutes later, she slowly started to lean to the right. Again the staff came along, straightened her
up and enquired if she was OK with the old lady insisting everything was fine.
This happened a number of times throughout the rest of the day.
At teatime, the lady’s family turned up and asked her how the day had went.
"Ooh its lovely here, I really like it" she said, "Mind you, they won’t let you fart!"
A man phones work and says "Sorry, I can’t come in today I’m sick."
The boss says "How sick are you?"
"Well", the man replies "you judge - I’m in bed with my sister."
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c’. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k." Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f’. This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e’s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v’.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou’, and similar changes vud of kors; be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand echozer.
Ze drem vil finali kum tru!!
There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood."
The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood."
The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."
The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"
The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he
had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his dick into the
pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to
overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came
home. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
"What’s wrong, "Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how
I had this tremendous urge to put my dick into the pickle slicer ?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn’t."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened ?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer ?"
"Oh...she got fired too."
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
2 Litres of low fat milk
6eggs
2 litres of orange juice
A lettuce
half a dozen tomatoes
a 500g jar of coffee
a 250g pack of bacon
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk was standing behind her watching. While the till operator was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly said "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about them that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cos you’re fucking ugly."
© YourJokes 2001 - 2012