"If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield.

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it’s a pretty good one."
Woody Allen.

"You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Emo Philips.

"What’s the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I’m home."
Ken Hammond.

"Like most men, I am consumed with desire whenever a lesbian gets within twenty feet."
Taki.

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
Joan Rivers.

"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."
Elton John.

"My girlfiend said to me in bed last night" "you’re a pervert" I said, "that’s a big word for a girl of nine’."
Emo Philips.

"I’m glad I’m not bisexual. I couldn’t stand being rejected by men as well as women."
Bernard Manning.

"I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen.

"It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on."
Marylyn Munroe.

"When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better."
Mae West.

"Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer."
Joan Rivers.