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If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow.
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
What is the definition of "making love"?
Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.
How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
None, let the bitch cook in the dark.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry it!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
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