Dirty jokes - tasteless sick sexist gross adult humour

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It has been brought to our attention that some jokes on this site are mildly offensive. Time permitting we will review them all and remove those which we deem to be insufficiently offensive. In the meantime we hope that the large quantity of utter filth will offer some recompense.

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    Dirty jokes - tasteless sick sexist gross adult humour


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    Some of our favourite jokes



    THE MOUSE RAN UP THE CLOCK ADULT VERSION
     

    Hickory Dickory dock
    Some slut was suckin my cock
    Her hair got tangled
    The bitch was strangled
    But at least she swallowed the lot!!!!


     
     




    I was sexually harassed
     

    On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading, to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

    The driver didn’t think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

    Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!"

    This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on.

    He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him. "Excuse me, sir, could I help you?"

    The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you sure can. I’ve lost my toupee and I’m trying to find it. I thought I’d located it twice, but they were both parted in the middle, and mine’s parted on the side!"


     
     




    On the beach
     

    An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini,
    "I want to feel your breasts," he said.
    "Get away from me, you dirty old man," she replied.
    "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you £5" he says.
    "?5 !! Get away from me!"
    "I want to feel your breasts, I will give you £10" he says.
    "NO! Get away from me!"
    "?50" he says.
    She pauses to think about it, but then comes to her senses & says, "I said NO!"
    "?100 if you let me feel your breasts," he says.
    She thinks, well he is old ... and £100 would be very handy...."Well, OK...but only for a minute," she says.

    She loosens her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slides his hands underneath and begins to feel...and then he starts saying OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD...while he is caressing them. So out of curiosity, she asks him "Why do you keep saying "Oh my god’?"
    While continuing to fondle her tits he answers "OH MY GOD...OH MY GOD... Where am I ever going to get £100 ?"


     
     




    Muslim birthday party
     

    I’ve just got back from a muslim birthday party...................


    fuck me.........


    pass the parcel was over quick


     
     



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